Embossed and printed with wicked expensive metallic silver ink, these boxes of matches will provide you with many, many small, temporary flames. Just think of all the romantic candles, exciting fireworks and repulsive flatulence you can light with them! And best of all, each box is printed with the Uniform Resource Locator for the “viral” web site that swept Southeastern New England last year.
$1 a box
$1.00 for 1 box, $2.50 for 10 boxes, $4.90 for 20 boxes, $24.50 for 100 boxes
Dimensions: 5715 nm x 3810 nm x 952.5 nm
Weight: .114 kg
Made in Japan
There is nothing like this unique, one-of-a-kind item. There are so many things in this world that are not like this that it should really give you pause for thought. If you are the lucky one who buys this, no one else will ever be able to buy it (unless they buy it from you) because this is the only one of these in the whole damn universe. You know what—now that I think about it, we’re raising the price by $25!
$724 (Was $699)
Dimensions: 5,000,000,000 zm x 915 mm x 200 mm
Weight: 446 fg
Made in America
Working at nail is non-stop fun. From the ping-pong table to the free water to the Thursday pony rides and Hawaiian shirt Fridays, the atmosphere in the office is constant joy and hilarity. And this outrageous novelty trophy is a little slice of that fun. With tongue firmly planted in cheek, this “award” was given out regularly to the nail employee who had angered a client, destroyed valuable equipment or inspired a crippling sexual harrasment lawsuit.
$45.80
Dimensions: 3,048,000 nm x 127 mm x 635 um
Weight: 2,268 g
Made in Italy
Purchased in Malaysia by nail’s recently deceased Creative Environmentalist Nigel Chillings, this is a big, icky dead bug that has been creeping everybody out here for a couple of years. Seriously, it’s about eight inches long and if you look closely you can see the little hairs on its creepy stinger-tail thingee.
$249
Dimensions: 203.2 mm x 152.4 mm x mm
Weight: 9,072,000,000,000,000,000,000 yg
Made in America
In this business, it’s extremely difficult to win awards. But it’s not nearly so hard to buy them is it?!
A miracle of biology, this feisty little ficus has been fed an almost unimaginable torrent of bizarre liquids. Anyone at the far end of the office with an unfinished soda or half-empty colostomy bag had to decide whether to walk all the way to the bathroom to empty it or simply dump the contents into the ficus tree that was RIGHT THERE. Mountain Dew, rotten milk, broken snow globe water—it has drunk it all. And nothing can kill it! Nothing!!
$610
Dimensions: 6,896,362,840,000 ym x 10 dm
Weight: 7,352 hg
Grown in America